“ Born under- what sorry?" said Harry.
“Saturn, dear, the planet Saturn!” said Professor Trelawney, sounding definitely irritated that he wasn’t riveted by this news. “I was saying that Saturn was surely in a position of power in the heavens at the moment of your birth… Your dark hair… your mean stature… tragic losses so young in life… I think I am right in saying, my dear, that you were born in midwinter?”
“No,” said Harry, “I was born in July. ”

─ Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire ─

“ I took a wrong turn on the way to the bathroom and found myself in a beautifully proportioned room I had never seen before, containing a really rather magnificent collection of chamberpots. When I went back to investigate more closely, I discovered that the room had vanished. But I must keep an eye out for it. Possibly it is only accessible at five thirty in the morning. Or it may only appear at the quarter moon - or when the seeker has an exceptionally full bladder. ”

─ Albus Dumbledore- Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire ─

“ Madame Delacour glided forwards and stooped to kiss Mrs Weasley too.
‘Enchantée’ she said. ‘Your ‘usband ‘as been telling us such amusing stories!’
Mr Weasley gave a maniacal laugh; Mrs Weasley threw him a look, upon which he became immediately silent and assumed an expression appropriate to the sickbed of a close friend. ”

─ Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -J.K Rowling

(Source: harry-potter-funny-quotes)

“ Jiggery pokery!” said Harry in a fierce voice. “Hocus pocus — squiggly wiggly —”
“MUUUUUUM!” howled Dudley, “He’s doing you know what! ”

─ J.K. Rowling (via pottyandweasle) ─